Toddler Soup

Originally uploaded by melmelmel.
A simple recipe..........

3-4 Gallons Lukewarm Water
3 Squirts Bubble Bath
1 Toddler, slightly tarnished
Bath toys, to taste

1. Add water to large tub. Adjust temperature to be within 0.1 degree of Toddler's desired comfort level. This will be fairly obvious, as Toddler will be very vocal about his/her temperature preference.

2. Add Bubble Bath, stirring frequently until foamy.

3. Stir in Bath Toys, taking note not to add cell phone, car keys or any other water-sensitive devices.

4. Slowly and carefully, transfer toddler into tub and mix all ingredients. Return to step 1 instructions if protests arise.

5. Bathe toddler, taking care to wash hair with extreme caution. Excessive negotiations may be required.

6. Stir frequently and baste every 10 minutes. If toddler's lips turn blue, adjust temperature as needed.

7. Let simmer 10-40 minutes, depending on how much time is left before bedtime.

8. Remove Toddler from tub when extremities are appropriately shriveled. Wrap in cozy towel to prevent shivering and dry thoroughly.

9. Enjoy naked-nudey dance once complete.

Toddler + Baby Soup
Follow steps 1-3 as noted above. Add baby to bathtub and let simmer 5-10 minutes before adding toddler.

Quick Bath
Exclude steps 6 and 7. Remove toddler when clean.

Very Quick Bath
Exclude steps 2 through 7. Remove toddler when clean enough and whisk to bed.